With spring just around the corner, and seemingly growing closer every day, love will soon be in the air, or at least that’s the rumor. So I thought a little friendly advice to my fellow single men might be appropriate.
A kiss is just a kiss, right? Didn’t William Shakespeare say that? In my estimation, if he didn’t, he should have. But he would have been right, because a kiss is anything but just a kiss.
Ask any woman out there, she’ll tell you: A kiss may just be the most important thing a man ever does in her life (notice I didn’t say his), or some such romantic notion. Please note the sarcasm and put away the thoughts of lynching me so soon.
Men, go ahead and ask the next woman you see — unless of course it’s your mother asking if you’d like another Hot Pocket, then you may want to pass. I would be willing to bet she is going to answer, if she’s honest with you, that a man being a good kisser ranks just this side of his being employed/employable on the required list of attributes she has mentally kept since she was but a wee lass, tucked away in her mind along with her wedding plans.
With that in mind, guys and girls, here are the two problems with that whole scenario, as I see it.
First, it seems to me that most of the time a woman has to kiss a lot of frogs to find the one that curls her toes, then she will never forget him and you can count on it. But kissing frogs has to be an absolutely tiring, draining, thankless job that every guy I know needs to be thankful for (we’ve all been a frog).
But, I have to say, ladies, take a bow. Let’s face it, some of you have kissed a lot of guys in your lifetimes, and that’s OK, because otherwise, how are you gonna know, right? And I would have to guess that almost all of them weren’t any good at it, but had no idea how uninterested or bored you really were.
But, girls, you tried to make a go of it, hoping to guide him and change him because you liked everything else about him, but, wow, in the end you just couldn’t get past it. Well, that’s OK too. I’ll be the first to admit that throughout my life there have been women who I have absolutely adored but couldn’t kiss for anything. I eventually couldn’t do it anymore either, so don’t be so hard on yourself.
Second, all men think they are the best kisser since Rudolph Valentino, a real pro when the old lips get into the game, a delusion men gladly live with in complete denial.
If, at best, you’re scoring just a few dates each with a long succession of women, this could be the problem and you should know, getting a date isn’t the challenge. It’s keeping her interested that’s the challenge.
So next time you meet somebody you actually like, maybe you should let her lead. I mean, it’s not like dancing: nobody’s going to be watching to see who’s leading and you may learn something. Hopefully not that she can’t kiss, because that’s not possible. Ask her and she’ll tell you how good a kisser she is.
A kiss is never just a kiss. Consider everything you have to overcome just to make it happen, no matter how long you’ve been practicing. There are noses to deal with, who’s gonna turn which way, breath freshness, sometimes a long hair sneaks in and throws a wrench in the works, nerves. The hazards to overcome are almost limitless.
Kissing frogs, or being the frog, is what you make of it, because kissing itself is worth every effort. I guess in the end, no matter how many frogs you have to kiss, as long as neither of you comes away with warts, it was worth the effort.
Spring is almost here and the season for frogs is almost in full swing. Time to get hopping.
D. C. Moody is a staff writer for The Easley Progress, The Pickens Sentinel and Powdersville Post and can be reached at email@example.com. Views expressed in this column are those of the writer only and do not represent the newspaper’s opinion.